Trump Uses Electoral College to Combat Anti-Semitism

(Washington, DC — February 15, 2017) – At today’s press conference, standing side-by-side with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Donald Trump (R-NY) made two very important policy statements.

Oy vey.

Donald Trump (R-NY) and Benjamin Netanyahu

Donald Trump (R-NY) and
Benjamin Netanyahu

Regarding the issue of peace in the Middle East, and specifically between Israelis and Palestinians, Chancellor Squirrelhead chose to eschew the two-state solution – a policy of the United States since 1993 – and instead said that a one-state solution would be just fine with him.

“Most believe that the two-state solution, as set out in the 1993 Oslo Accords, is the only solution for Israel and the Palestinians,” said a Middle East expert, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Chancellor Squirrelhead just threw away 24 years of negotiations, and may have started something that could destabilize the entire region. And that, in turn, could harm the United States.

“Nice going, asshole.”

Chancellor Squirrelhead also used the press conference to address the problem of anti-Semitism in the United States. Since he declared his candidacy in June 2015, the number of domestic anti-Semitic incidents and hate crimes has skyrocketed. A reporter asked him to comment on the disturbing trend:

“Mr. President, since your election campaign, and even after your victory, we have seen a sharp rise in anti-Semitic incidents across the United States, and I wonder what do you say to those among the Jewish community in the States, and around the world, who believe and feel that your administration is playing with xenophobia and maybe racist tones … “
Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump

Chancellor Squirrelhead responded by taking a definitive stand on anti-Semitism – by not addressing the issue:

“Well, I just want to say that we are, you know, very honored by the victory that we had 306 Electoral College votes. We were not supposed to crack 220. You know that, right? There was no way you know that, right? There was no way to 221, but then they said there’s no way to 270 and there’s tremendous enthusiasm out there.”

“It has to be one of the Top Ten Insane Presidential Press Conference Moments,” said a journalist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We’ve seen politicians duck, bob, and weave in not answering questions put to them, but this was on an entirely new level.

“Not only did the answer have nothing to do with the question, and nothing to do with Israel, and nothing to do with the Jews, it had everything to do with a false and paranoid conspiracy theory about non-existent massive voter fraud.

Ku Klux Klan (KKK)

Ku Klux Klan

“If Chancellor Squirrelhead wants to see fraud, all he has to do is look in the mirror. At the moment, he’s the biggest fraud in the world. The biggest loser. Not only a ‘big’ loser, or a ‘bigly’ loser, but a ‘YUUUGE!!!’ loser!”

In all fairness, there was no good answer for Chancellor Squirrelhead to give on the topic of anti-Semitism. He’s the darling of the ALT-RIGHT movement. The Ku Klux Klan (KKK) attended his inaugural parade. David Duke (R-LA) has put him on his Christmas mailing list. And [Chief Strategist] Stephen Bannon is a rabid anti-Semite.

One also has to consider Chancellor Squirrelhead’s deputy assistant, Sebastian Gorka, who is of Hungarian descent and is both anti-Islam and an anti-Semite. Gorka was shoved before the cameras to justify Chancellor Squirrelhead’s omission of the Jews in his International Holocaust Remembrance Day remarks.

Sebastian Gorka

Sebastian Gorka

Having Gorka in front of the cameras for that purpose seems counter-intuitive; he is frequently adorned with a medal of the Order of Vitéz, a Hungarian group which collaborated with the Nazis during World War II. Thanks in no small part to Miklós Horthy, the founder of the Order of Vitéz, 75% of Hungary’s Jews died in the Holocaust.

“So Gorka feels tied to Horthy,” said a historian, speaking on condition of anonymity, “and not only is he not bothered by Horthy’s role in the fate of Hungary’s Jews, he doesn’t even feel the need to acknowledge their slaughter during International Holocaust Remembrance Day.

“This is an anti-Semite only Hitler could love. And he works directly for Chancellor Squirrelhead – the same Chancellor Squirrelhead who during today’s press conference said he ‘loves’ the Jews.

“So what the hell is Netanyahu doing standing next to this guy? And does Chancellor Squirrelhead understand the concept of ‘irony’ or does he respond by saying he always sends out his foreign-made shirts to a service?”