Trump to Journalist: Call for an Appointment

April Ryan

April Ryan

(Washington, DC — February 16, 2017) – At today’s press conference, Donald Trump (R-NY) went completely off the rails in thinking that a journalist could set up a meeting for him with a group of Congressmen.

For the record, “no” is the correct answer.

After claiming that he received a larger share of the African-American vote than anyone expected, and after once again pigeonholing African-Americans by telling them that they’re living in Hell, Chancellor Squirrelhead asked April Ryan, an African-American White House correspondent, to set up a meeting for him with the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC):

RYAN: Well, when you say the inner cities, are you going – are you going to include the CBC, Mr. President, in your conversations with your – your urban agenda, your inner city agenda, as well as –

SQUIRRELHEAD: Am I going to include who?

RYAN: Are you going to include the Congressional Black Caucus and the Congressional –

SQUIRRELHEAD: Well, I would. I tell you what, do you want to set up the meeting?

RYAN: – Hispanic Caucus –

SQUIRRELHEAD: Do you want to set up the meeting?

RYAN: No – no – no. I’m not –

SQUIRRELHEAD: Are they friends of yours?

RYAN: I’m just a reporter.

SQUIRRELHEAD: Well, then, set up the meeting.

RYAN: I know some of them, but I’m sure they’re watching right now.

SQUIRRELHEAD: Let’s go set up a meeting. I would love to meet with the Black Caucus. I think it’s great, the Congressional Black Caucus. I think it’s great.

“So … he’s turned a professional journalist into his own personal secretary?” asked an eyewitness to the press conference, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Does this bastard really think this is 1950s America? The racism, the egomaniacal gall … it just boggles the mind.”

Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump

“And given the dual faux pas the White House committed earlier this month during its Black History Month event, he really didn’t need to dig himself into a bigger hole with regard to African-Americans,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity.

“Anyone who still thinks it was good idea to put an adulterous, anti-Asian, anti-Catholic, anti-disabled, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-obesity, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, Islamophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, paranoid, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, psychopathic, racist, schizophrenic, small-membered, sociopathic, treasonous, xenophobic bully in the White House should have their head examined.

“It’s not the blacks who live in Hell; thanks to Chancellor Squirrelhead, we all do.”