D-Force – Coming Soon for an Immigrant Near You

Paul Ryan (R-WI): "I am a two-faced, worthless, lying sack of shit."

Paul Ryan

(Washington, DC — February 18, 2017) – The Republican Flip-Flop Tour 2017 shows no sign of abating; if anything, it’s just now beginning to gather a full head of toxic steam.

Both the Executive Branch (courtesy of Donald Trump (R-NY)) and Legislative Branch (courtesy of Paul Ryan (R-WI) and Mitch McConnell (R-KY)) are in full swing, spreading lies, falsehoods, and doing pretty much everything but telling the truth.

Today’s topic of deceit: Deportation.

Before becoming Speaker of the House on October 29, 2015, Eddie Munster supported the idea of providing a path to legal citizenship for immigrants who came to the United States illegally. Unfortunately, this point-of-view is seen as “amnesty” by those inbred Trumpist Brownshirts who see anyone who isn’t a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant as illegal.

Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump

The forced removal of illegal immigrants was a central theme of Election 2016, during which the possibility of creating a “Deportation Force” was proposed by presidential candidate Squirrelhead Donald. On November 11, 2015, he first said he would deport 11,000,000 illegal immigrants via a Deportation Force:

“You’re going to have a deportation force, and you’re going to do it humanely.”

During an interview on November 20, 2016, with President-elect Squirrelhead Donald, the number had “magically” shrunken to 3,000,000 – and vowed that the 3,000,000 would be “immediately” deported.

“Reducing the 11,000,000 to 3,000,000 is a campaign promise FAIL by Chancellor Squirrelhead,” said an immigration advocate, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And we’re almost one month into the reign of the Fourth Reich. And the 3,000,000? They’re all still here. So this counts as another campaign promise FAIL by Chancellor Squirrelhead, the LOSER!”

Putting the pathological lying aside for a moment, the constitution of a Deportation Force is a terrifying possibility for millions of people in America – and not just for those who are here illegally.

Sean Spicer

Sean Spicer

“The problem is that this ‘Deportation Force’ will undoubtedly do its work by using racial profiling,” said a security expert, speaking on condition of anonymity. “So anyone who ‘looks a certain way’ – in America – could find themselves at the wrong end of a barrel of a gun.

“Today Chancellor Squirrelhead wants to go after the ‘rapists, criminals, and murderers’ from Mexico. What if he chooses to listen to his rabidly anti-Semitic Chief Strategist Stephen Bannon and go after the Jews next? I’m sure lots of Americans would approve of that, and given Chancellor Squirrelhead’s response to a reporter’s question on anti-Semitism in America, it isn’t far-fetched at all.”

At a town hall meeting on January 12, 2017, in an attempt to allay the fears of sane Americans, Eddie Munster insisted that the notion of a “Deportation Force” was pure fiction:

“Everybody thinks that there’s some Deportation Force that’s being assembled. That’s not happening; that’s not true.”




The Associated Press (AP) reported yesterday on an 11-page draft White House memo PDF, dated January 25, 2017, detailing – you guessed it – a Deportation Force.

“The plan calls for activating 100,000 members of the National Guard,” said a civil rights activist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “They will presumably be aided by Chancellor Squirrelhead’s Sicherheitspolizei – his most militant Trumpist Brownshirts – in an effort to ethnically cleanse the country.

“However, in order to make their existence more palatable, the name “Deportation Force” will be changed to “D-Force” once implemented. Because changing the name makes things all better?”

The D-Force would be sent to 11 States:

  • Arizona
  • Arkansas
  • California
  • Colorado
  • Louisiana
  • Nevada
  • New Mexico
  • Oklahoma
  • Oregon
  • Texas
  • Utah
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

In spite of the actual document being in the hands of the “dishonest media,” gum-chewing White House Press Secretary of the Week Sean Spicer denied there were any plans to activate 100,000 members of the National Guard to contribute to a Deportation Force.

And then he ran over the members of the press attending the briefing with his lectern.

“Spicer needs to be given a prescription for 10,000mg of Lomotil,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “His pathological lying, coupled with his chronic Diarrhea of the Mouth, has hit epic proportions.”

White House Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf also chimed in to deny the existence of the planned D-Force.

“I triple guarantee you, there is no Deportation Force here at the White House, no, never!” proclaimed al-Sahaf, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that no one on the White House staff has planned to institute a Deportation Force! Those who say that White House staff have planned for a Deportation Force have no morals! They have no shame about spreading these lies and falsehoods! And those who lie and tell falsehoods will have their stomachs roasted in Hell!”