GOP Obamacare Replacement Will Make America Sick Again

Eddie Munster (R-WI) and Family

Eddie Munster

(Washington, DC — March 6, 2017) – Republicans today released the American Health Care Act, their long-awaited version of “repeal and replace” for Obamacare (aka Public Law 111-148 aka the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act aka the Affordable Care Act).

And, as has been expected for nearly seven years, the American Health Care Act is a worthless piece of crap – just like its shit-grinning chief sponsors, Paul Ryan (R-WI) and Mitch McConnell (R-KY).

The draft legislation is currently in the form of two bills, one from the House Energy and Commerce Committee and the other from the House Ways and Means Committee .

The journey to health care hell began on March 23, 2010 – the day Obamacare was signed into law by President Obama (D-IL). Since that day, Congressional Republicans, aided and egged on by frothing-at-the-mouth Tea Partyists – and later joined by Trumpist Brownshirts – have preached the “repeal and replace” concept, voting about 156 times to do away with the landmark legislation.

“This all boils down to these racist, ignorant, inbred bastards not wanting to be seen as giving any credit to President Obama,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “They just can’t stand seeing anything being offered up by a black person as something that’s legitimate.

Mitch "Turtlehead" McConnell (R-KY)

Mitch “Turtlehead” McConnell

“And that’s pretty funny when you consider that their current savior and Führer, Donald Trump (R-NY), is the first illegitimate President of the United States.”

What’s even funnier is that the American Health Care Act isn’t truly a “repeal and replace” of Obamacare. Young adults will be able to stay on their parents’ health plans until age 26 – just like Obamacare. And insurance companies will be unable to deny coverage to, or levy higher rates upon, people with pre-existing medical conditions – just like Obamacare.

“If it looks like Obamacare, and it sounds like Obamacare, it must be Obamacare,” said a health care industry analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The American Health Care Act does differ in Obamacare in that it will throw millions off their health insurance plans. Government-provided subsidies will end, replaced by tax credits for those who presumably make enough money to actually pay taxes. Medicaid expansion will be halted – Eddie Munster would like to do away with the program altogether – and Medicaid payments will be capped, meaning America’s poorest will only be able to receive treatment up to a certain dollar amount.

Donald Trump (R-NY) in the Art Modell Suite on the 14th Level of Hell

Donald Trump (R-NY) in the Art Modell Suite on the 14th Level of Hell

Whatever the American Health Care Act is, and whatever the American Health Care Act becomes, it still represents a colossal Chancellor Squirrelhead failure.

“Chancellor Squirrelhead promised to repeal Obamacare on Day One,” said a political strategist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I’m sure he can’t count, but this is Day 45. Yet another campaign promise FAIL .

“And the GOP plan contains some Obamacare elements, which means it isn’t a true repeal, which means yet another campaign promise FAIL .