(Arlington, VA — March 22, 2017) – The Trump 2018 Budget Blueprint will shift $54,000,000,000 from civilian programs to military spending, breaking the backs of the country’s middle-class and its most-needy.
Neither Donald Trump (R-NY) nor the Republican-controlled Congress seems to care.
“In providing tax breaks to corporations and the country’s millionaires and billionaires, the budget will make the hardships endured by the rest of America even worse,” said a political analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And the irony is that many of those who are most in need, those who are going to see their lives get worse, are those who believed the ‘Make America Great Again’ mantra and put Chancellor Squirrelhead into office.
“They’ve got no one to blame but themselves, and the rest of Sane America should be blaming them, too.”
Many programs are facing decreased funding or outright elimination, but one that stands out is Meals on Wheels. The Arlington (VA)-based program provides nationwide support to seniors through 5,000 community-based senior nutrition programs with the help of 2,000,000 volunteers.
“We provide more than nutrition to seniors,” said a Meals on Wheels spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We provide safety checks. We provide simple visits to the most-isolated. And, most of all, by providing these services to seniors in their own homes, we provide them with dignity.
“The word ‘dignity’ is the last term I’d apply to Chancellor Squirrelhead’s administration.”
But Chancellor Squirrelhead’s administration is fighting that assertion, and is denying that Meals on Wheels will vanish due to the budget.
“In fact, we’re going to make it better,” said a spokesman for Press Secretary of the Week Sean Spicer, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And we’re going to combine services. That’s what Mr. Trump has said: There are multiple government agencies and programs that can be consolidated and eliminated so taxpayers – and by ‘taxpayers’ I mean those whose income exceeds $1,000,000 per year – can reap the benefits.
“In this country, 60,000,000 tons of produce is thrown away each year – to the tune of $160,000,000. A family of four throws away $1,600 in food on average each year. We’re looking to change all that.”
Indeed, the Trump Administration is attempting to put a positive spin on the prospect of abandoning the country’s senior citizens. White House Office of Management and Budget (OMB) Director and Fourth Reich Senior Minister Mick Mulvaney called the killing of Meals on Wheels “compassionate” in an interview:
- “I think it’s probably one of the most compassionate things we can do.”
It’s worth noting that the unfeeling and incompetent Mulvaney was confirmed by the Senate on a 51–49 vote. Every Democratic Senator voted against his nomination, making his confirmation the second-closest one so far for the Trump Transition Team of Terror (TTTT), bested only by the 50-50 tie of Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Education, with Mike Pence (R-IN) casting the deciding, tiebreaking vote.
To this White House, “compassion” seeks to merge the care of senior citizens with garbage collection.
“First, we’re going to rename BFI,” said a spokesman for The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Everyone knows the BFI garbage trucks that service their neighborhoods. From now on, ‘Ban Food from the Indigent’ is what BFI will stand for.
“Of course, we’re not saying that seniors won’t get fed. We’re just banning their supply of food from the current Meals on Wheels. I mean, banning all food would be inhuman even by our standards – though it’s not far off. So what we’re going to see is a revised, better, more dignified Meals on Wheels, and we think you’ll like it.”
To this White House, the term “dignified” must mean something different than the definition used by Sane America.
“Seniors will forage for food when the BFI trucks come down their streets. And we’re hoping that they will run after the trucks. They could use the exercise! And being outside will get them some fresh air – until they’re within 20 feet of a garbage truck, of course.
“So, you see, the meals will still be on wheels!”
Another goal of this White House: Tax breaks for the wealthy while seniors eat trash.
“There’s plenty of food in those trucks. And their foraging will cut down on the millions of tons and billions of dollars in waste. These savings will naturally be passed on in the form of tax cuts for America’s most needy – our millionaires and billionaires. So we think it’s a win-win!
“For those of you think this is inhumane and non-nutritious, all I can say is take a look at The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway. She’s been eating garbage for years, and just look at her!”