FBI Director’s Firing Was a Long Time Comey-ing

Richard Nixon (R-CA)

Richard Nixon

(Washington, DC — May 10, 2017) – October 20, 1973, is known for the Saturday Night Massacre.

Thanks to Donald Trump (R-NY), May 9, 2017, will forever be known as the Tuesday Night Massacre.

On October 20, 1973, President Richard Nixon (R-CA), neck-deep in the Watergate scandal, ordered the firing of Watergate Special Prosecutor Archibald Cox, who was acting against the president’s wishes. The job fell to Attorney General Elliot Richardson, who refused to fire Cox, instead resigning.

Then the job fell to Deputy Attorney General William Ruckelshaus, who also refused to fire Cox. He, too, resigned.

In the end, it was up to the upstanding Solicitor General Robert Bork to fire Cox, which he did. Bork’s decision helped cost him an appointment to the SCOTUS in 1987.

Forty-three years and three months later, Chancellor Squirrelhead was involved in an event in January mirroring the Saturday Night Massacre. On January 30, 2017, he fired Acting Attorney General Sally Yates because, in the face of MuslimBangate, she ordered lawyers from the Justice Department not to defend his unconstitutional immigration Executive Order titled “Protecting the Nation from Foreign Terrorist Entry into the United States.”

James Comey

James Comey

Now, almost four months later, Chancellor Squirrelhead has struck again, but this time he may have destroyed the Republic. In firing FBI Director James Comey PDF, the first illegitimate POTUS became the first POTUS to fire the head of an investigative agency while being under investigation by the same agency, something even his hero Nixon didn’t accomplish.

He’s also added a new scandal to his presidency, barely 100 days old: Comeygate.

“Chancellor Squirrelhead is now free to appoint someone who will discontinue the investigation,” said a Constitutional scholar, speaking on condition of anonymity. “If that happens, I firmly believe the country – the Republic – will disintegrate because we will be living under a dictatorship no different than Cuba’s Castro, Iraq’s Hussein, Turkey’s Erdogan, or Russia’s Putin. The last one is truly ironic, given that the investigation is focusing on Russia!”

Democrats are in the unusual position of cheering Comey’s dismissal while simultaneously being outraged by his ouster. It was Comey who investigated Hillary Clinton’s (D-NY) E-mailgate scandal, determining on July 5, 2016, that no criminal charges be filed against her. The decision, applauded by Democrats, infuriated Republicans, especially Chancellor Squirrelhead’s legions of Trumpist Brownshirts who had been chanting “lock her up!” at every Nuremberg rally – when they weren’t busy beating up minorities at the rallies.

Donald Trump (R-NY) in the Art Modell Suite on the 14th Level of Hell

Donald Trump (R-NY) in the Art Modell Suite on the 14th Level of Hell

On October 28, 2016, Comey notified Congress that the FBI was reviewing yet another batch of Clinton’s E-mails, an unprecedented level of interference less than two weeks before a presidential election. On November 6, he announced that his July decision on E-mailgate stood, but the damage was done. Two days later, Hillary won the popular vote by 3,000,000 but lost the Electoral College vote, leading to the current reign of terror under the Fourth Reich.

If redemption in the eyes of Democrats were even possible, the closest Comey came was his ongoing investigation into Russia’s involvement in rigging the 2016 presidential election. All evidence shows that he was very close in implicating top Trump officials – if not Trump himself – leading to Comey’s dismissal.

“Chancellor Squirrelhead says he fired Comey because he had unfairly treated Hillary,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “This statement came from the guy who advocated putting Hillary in jail, called her ‘such a nasty woman,’ and said she’d be the most corrupt POTUS ever. If Comey was so guilty, why wasn’t he fired on January 20, 2017?

Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

Hillary Clinton

“I’ll tell you why. It’s because Chancellor Squirrelhead is a lying, delusional piece of shit.”

“And there’s nothing stopping Chancellor Squirrelhead,” said a historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “In the early 1970s, there were Republicans in Congress who had morals and scruples. They stood up to Nixon.

“In today’s Congress, there’s no one with either morals or scruples. If you’re waiting for Paul Ryan (R-WI) to do something, take a chair. Eddie Munster sold his soul long before last week’s treasonous and genocidal vote to murder 24,000,000 Americans.



“The Senate is no better because of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY). As the chamber’s bulgy-eyed, rabid, racist, rancid, Republican, reptilian, repulsive, salmonella-laden redneck, Turtlehead will never move against Chancellor Squirrelhead because it could mean putting his Asian wife, Elaine Chao (R-KY), into an internment camp. And since she’s the only living creature willing to have any contact with that poor excuse of a life form, he’s not going to jeopardize that.”