(Washington, DC — January 20, 2018) – On May 2, 2017, Chancellor Squirrelhead logged on to Twitter and tweeted – with his itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy fingers – that the country needed “a good ‘shutdown'” as a means to “fix” it.
Two hundred sixty-four days later, in spite of now complaining that he didn’t want the Federal government to shut down, he has gotten his wish – and the Washington blame-game is in full-swing.
While Eddie Munster’s House of Representatives voted on January 18 for a continuing resolution (CR) 230-197 to keep the Federal government’s lights on through February 16, Turtlehead’s Senate – needing 60 votes – came up short last night, 50-48. In simple terms, this means that the Federal government has shut down for the first time since October 1-17, 2013. That shutdown cost the country tens of billions of dollars.
More than four years later, hundreds of thousands of ‘non-essential’ Federal government employees – a term first coined by Al Gore (D-TN) in 1995 – find themselves once again being forced to stay home without pay. Hundreds of thousands of other Federal employees, deemed ‘essential’ by the Office of Personnel Management (OPM), such as those in the military, will continue to stay on the job – without pay.
While Federal employees have historically been given back-pay once a shutdown ends, this is by no means a guarantee, especially in 2018’s political climate. Moreover, hundreds of thousands of Federal government contractors are not included in this arrangement, exacerbating the damage to the nation’s economy.
But not to worry. The 536 elected officials responsible for the sudden loss of income – 535 in Congress plus one ignorant prick at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue – will continue to receive their six-figure salaries. Most members of Congress earn $174,000 per year, while the “billionaire” (whose status cannot be verified due to non-public tax returns) in the White House earns $400,000 per year.
“Should Stormy ‘Honeybunch’ Daniels make herself available, Chancellor Squirrelhead will have plenty of funds available to travel to either Reno or the Beverly Hills Hotel,” said a political observer, speaking on condition of anonymity, referencing last week’s revelation of a 2006 extramarital affair between Chancellor Squirrelhead and the porn star.
For his part, Chancellor Squirrelhead is blaming Democrats for forsaking the country’s military and approving the entry of imaginary militant armed rapists and murderers pouring across the country’s border with Mexico.
Neither of these observations is true.
The latter charge is meant to prod Democrats into approving additional funds for the Great Wall of Trump – an unnecessary border wall, which he himself promised during the 2016 campaign would be paid for 100% by Mexico. On February 25, 2016, former Mexican president Vicente Fox disagreed:
- “I’m not going to pay for that fucking wall! He should pay for it. He’s got the money.”
Yet Democrats are in no mood for either compromise or, quite frankly, dealing at all with someone who can speak highly of you one minute and stab you in the back the next. Chancellor Squirrelhead’s frequent incendiary Twitter attacks, coupled with his non-stop racist and xenophobic statements (on January 11, he referred to Haiti and African countries as ‘shithole countries’), have Democrats believing they have significant leverage.
Whether this leverage will be enough to get Congress to act on behalf on the legal status of the “Dreamers” – approximately 800,000 illegal immigrants who were brought to America as children, and in some cases have lived in here for decades – remains to be seen. But it doesn’t look like outright refusal by the GOP is a viable option.
“Republicans may run two of the three branches of the Federal government, but they still need Democratic support to get things done,” said a political strategist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And somehow Chancellor Squirrelhead hasn’t figured this out yet. This sociopathic psychopath, with the temperament of a six-year-old, would rather throw tantrums when things don’t go exactly his way. I don’t know how he believes this is the ‘deal-making’ process used in Washington, because he’s been here a year and he’s apparently learned absolutely nothing.”
It remains to be seen whether the Democrats or Republicans – or both – get the majority of the blame from the American people for Shutdown 2018. Given Congress’ single-digit approval ratings, it’s likely there’s plenty of blame to go around. However, initial polling shows that 28% of respondents blame the Democrats, while 48% blame the Republicans – even though elected Republicans would have you think otherwise.
“When they control the House of Representatives, and they control the Senate, and they control the White House, how can Republicans blame another political party for this mess?” asked a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity.
“My feeling is that Americans are tired of this annual nonsense. It’s a national embarrassment, and I believe they’ll be inviting all of Congress to go to Hell over this sad state of affairs.”