Trump’s New Plan: Embrace the Klan!

(Washington, DC — February 29, 2016) – As links between the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) and presidential candidate Donald Trump (R-NY) multiply, The Donald’s detractors are having a field day. So are pro-Klan Americans who don’t seem to mind that their chosen bigot is leading in multiple polls in multiple states leading up to tomorrow’s…

Crimea Claims Success in Secession Vote

(Simferopol, Ukraine) – Crimeans overwhelmingly “voted” today to secede from Ukraine, raising the specter of a messy divorce and additional military action by Russia and increased sanctions by the West. The referendum, scheduled just 10 days ago, was seen as a mere formality giving tacit approval to a Russian invasion and takeover of this region…

Ukraine, Crimea to Divorce? Crimea River!

(Simferopol, Ukraine) – Ukraine and Crimea may be getting a divorce after sixty years of marriage. Someone had better get a good lawyer. Crimea was “given” to Ukraine in 1954 by the Soviet Union. Sixty years later, Crimea’s pro-Russian lawmakers have voted to leave Ukraine and join Russia. To make the decision seem legitimate, on…

2009 – End of an Error: FLATLINE Locates Original Version of President’s Farewell Address

(Washington, DC — January 15, 2009) – My fellow Armenians, For eight years, it has been my honor to serve as your President. I realize that I was only elected to serve four of them, but be honest, in retrospect, did you REALLY want Al Gore with his “lockbox” nonsense to live in the White…