Rats! Cafeteria Closes as Feds are Forced to Forage for Food

(Rockville, MD — June 24, 2015) – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is attempting to make its employees set a national example by eating healthier. Or not at all. FDA employees experienced a rude start to their day today when they discovered their cafeteria was no longer open for business. The Three White Flint…

FDA Trans-Fat Ban Gets to the Heart of the Matter

(Silver Spring, MD — June 16, 2015) – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) today announced a plan to finally ban trans-fats from the foods consumed by average, ordinary, everyday Americans. Predictably, not everyone was happy with the announcement. Trans-fats can clog arteries and cause a variety of coronary diseases. The FDA estimates that thousands…

Swiss Miss as Coffee Creamer Causes a Füehrer

(Zürich, Switzerland — March 24, 2015) – Switzerland’s largest supermarket chain, Migros, is causing quite a stir with its latest marketing campaign. Some might even say they’re causing a Führer. Migros finds itself apologizing for an “unforgivable blunder” related to – of all things – coffee creamers. The lids for the company’s coffee creamers –…

Legislators Have a Beef with Nutritional Panel

(Washington, DC — February 20, 2015) – Going against Congressional wishes, a top national nutritional panel released a report urging Americans to steer clear of diets high in red meat, angering Congressmen in the process. Given that Congress says little about the plight of the nation’s poor and underserved, not to mention those Americans who…

Syria Calls for Sanctions over Smallpox

(Damascus, Syria) – Faced with economic sanctions stemming from its civil war, and facing possible airstrikes from the United States, the Syrian government of President Bashar al-Assad agreed to the Framework for the Elimination of Syrian Chemical Weapons in September 2013. The ultimate goal of the Framework, negotiated with the United States and Russia, was…

New “Hellish” Dinosaur Amazes, Inspires, Offends

(New York, NY) – The world is still buzzing over the announcement of the newest dinosaur discovery. Or, perhaps “clucking” over the announcement would be more appropriate? Scientists this week announced the find of Anzu wyliei, a birdlike, feather-covered dinosaur that lived 68 million to 66 million years ago. Its remains were found in parts…