Illegitimate SCOTUS Derby Ramps Up to a Full Gallop

(Washington, DC – July 9, 2018) — In a made-for-TV event rivaling LeBron James’ classless “The Decision” from July 8, 2010, Chancellor Squirrelhead will announce his pick to replace the retiring Supreme Court justice Anthony M. Kennedy tonight at 9:00pm ET. The announcement will represent one more step in Chancellor Squirrelhead’s dismantling of the nation,…

Trump’s a Nazi Sympathizer? That’s Right. ALT-RIGHT.

(New York, NY — August 15, 2017) – Dogged by allegations that he didn’t speak out forcefully enough against the country’s agents of evil and domestic terrorism, Chancellor Squirrelhead gave an impromptu press conference in Trump Tower today. And proceeded to hang himself by his own tongue. Flanked by Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao and…

FBI Director’s Firing Was a Long Time Comey-ing

(Washington, DC — May 10, 2017) – October 20, 1973, is known for the Saturday Night Massacre. Thanks to Donald Trump (R-NY), May 9, 2017, will forever be known as the Tuesday Night Massacre. On October 20, 1973, President Richard Nixon (R-CA), neck-deep in the Watergate scandal, ordered the firing of Watergate Special Prosecutor Archibald…

DeVos. Divisive. Diverst.

(Washington, DC — February 7, 2017) – For years, the Republican Party has wanted to kill the Department of Education. Today, they got their wish. On a 51-50 vote, the Senate confirmed Betsy DeVos, Donald Trump’s (R-NY) choice for the next Secretary of Education. Two Republican Senators – Lisa Murkowski (AK) and Susan Collins (ME)…

Rats! Cafeteria Closes as Feds are Forced to Forage for Food

(Rockville, MD — June 24, 2015) – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is attempting to make its employees set a national example by eating healthier. Or not at all. FDA employees experienced a rude start to their day today when they discovered their cafeteria was no longer open for business. The Three White Flint…

Legislators Have a Beef with Nutritional Panel

(Washington, DC — February 20, 2015) – Going against Congressional wishes, a top national nutritional panel released a report urging Americans to steer clear of diets high in red meat, angering Congressmen in the process. Given that Congress says little about the plight of the nation’s poor and underserved, not to mention those Americans who…

May the Door Be With You

(London, England) – Science fiction is a genre of literature. In reality, it isn’t dangerous in everyday life. Or is it? The next Star Wars movie – Star Wars: Episode VII – is being shot just outside of London. It brings back many of the beloved characters from the “original” movies, such as Luke Skywalker…