Giuliani: “September 11? What’s September 11?”

(New York, NY — August 15, 2016) – The man who became famous for walking around and mumbling “9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11” has now denied that the September 11 attacks ever happened. Psychiatrists and psychologists are now assessing who’s more insane, Rudy “9/11” Giuliani (R-NY) or presidential candidate…

Kean the “Perrrfect” Choice to Replace Condi

(New Brunswick, NJ) – Congratulations, Tom Kean! You’re the next contestant on “The Commencement Speech Deliverer is Right!” After disinviting Condoleezza Rice (R-CA) to be its 2014 commencement speaker, Rutgers University had just weeks to find a suitable replacement. After spending a number of hand-wringing days of looking at the state’s prison system, the committee…

Rice on Ice

(New Brunswick, NJ) – After weeks of protests by Rutgers University faculty and students, and just four days after FLATLINEgov reported on the issue, Condoleezza Rice has withdrawn her offer to serve as the university’s commencement speaker for 2014. She would have been paid $35,000 for her speech. Rice served as President George W. Bush’s…

RU Not 4 Condi at Commencement

(New Brunswick, NJ) – Angry about the selection of Condoleezza Rice as commencement speaker for 2014, a group of Rutgers University student protesters took control of the Old Queens administration building today. However, it appears that few are taking the protest seriously. One protester’s sign – “RU 4 HUMANITY?” – caused some to react with…