Trump’s a Nazi Sympathizer? That’s Right. ALT-RIGHT.

(New York, NY — August 15, 2017) – Dogged by allegations that he didn’t speak out forcefully enough against the country’s agents of evil and domestic terrorism, Chancellor Squirrelhead gave an impromptu press conference in Trump Tower today. And proceeded to hang himself by his own tongue. Flanked by Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao and…

In Atlanta, I Can’t Drive I-85

(Atlanta, GA — April 1, 2017) – A 700-foot section of Interstate 85 (I-85) in Atlanta buckled and collapsed from a fire on Thursday. The deliberately-set fire raged beneath an overpass during the evening rush hour, and the resulting damage is sure to cause months of headaches for the estimated 400,000 vehicles which use the…

For Some, Amtrak and America on the Wrong Track

(Philadelphia, PA — May 13, 2015) – A “horrific scene” greeted investigators and emergency personnel today as they combed through the wreckage of last night’s Amtrak derailment. Over 200 passengers and crew were injured, and at least seven died as the train – running from Washington, DC to New York – derailed around 9:30pm last…

Federal Employees’ Viewpoint for 2014 Continues Downward Trend

(Washington, DC) – The results from the 2014 Federal Employee Viewpoint Survey (FEVS) are in. And they’re not good. The FEVS is commissioned by the Office of Personnel Management (OPM). Sent out whenever OPM feels like it, the FEVS accepts input from current Federal employees and ranks their concerns and opinions about their jobs, their…

Metro Goes for the Silver

(Washington, DC) – On May 27, the nation’s capital will be one step closer to opening its first new subway line in over 20 years. Let the poor customer service, shoddy maintenance, and gouging of riders begin. The Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (WMATA) – commonly known as Metro – will take responsibility for the…

Australian Injustice: Woman Loses License for Putting Cyclist in Hospital

(Port Fairy, Australia) – An Australian woman mowed down a cyclist last year, sending the victim to the hospital and nearly making him a paraplegic. She has since received two sentences for the incident, and the episode has elicited an outpouring of sympathy and support – for her. On September 20, 2013, 21-year-old Kimberley Davis…

GM May Hold Key to MH370 Disappearance

(Detroit, MI) – Malaysian Airlines MH370 disappeared six weeks ago. Its whereabouts are still unknown, but that hasn’t meant complete silence regarding the mystery. In fact, it’s been just the opposite. Since then, it’s been six weeks of false leads. Six weeks of contradictory information. Six weeks of information leaking out piece by piece. Six…