Mueller to Noodle Around Trump-Russia Connection

(Washington, DC — May 18, 2017) – Former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Director Robert Mueller III was named as a special counsel yesterday by Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, tasked to investigate Russia’s collusion with Donald Trump (R-NY) and his associates, including but not limited to interference in the 2016 presidential election. Sane Americans…

The Bane of Our Existence

(Washington, DC — January 21, 2017) – The Republican Party got caught with its pants down – or, at least, Melania Trump’s pants – during the Republican National Convention, thanks to her acts of plagiarism. It looks like Republicans have learned nothing from that scandal. Melaniagate began on July 19 in Cleveland (temporarily known as…

First Inaugural Address of Chancellor Squirrelhead, Illegitimate POTUS

(Washington, DC — January 18, 2017) – The following is an advance copy of Donald Trump’s (R-NY) first inaugural address, which will be delivered to an audience of hundreds worldwide on January 20, 2017. It was obtained at great risk and at a great price; many Bothans died to bring us this information. My fellow…

Trump to Freely Void Vaunted Presidential Medals of Freedom

(Washington, DC — January 15, 2017) – The President of the United States giveth, and the President of the United States taketh away. That’s a lesson Vice-President Joe Biden (D-DE) seems to be learning on the fly. President Obama (D-IL) presented Biden with the Presidential Medal of Freedom on January 12. The presentation was a…

Uproar over Hillary’s Health Makes Many Ill

(Washington, DC — September 13, 2016) – As the faux furor over Hillary Clinton’s (D-NY) bout with pneumonia continued, many debated why this was such a hot-button issue this campaign season. “It’s possible she’s being targeted for being weak because she’s a woman,” said a psychologist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “That’s what people like…

Trump to Hillary: “Drop Dead!”

(Wilmington, NC – August 10, 2016) ‐ Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump (R-NY) yesterday gave the green light to his legions of Trumpist Brownshirts to assassinate Hillary Clinton (D-NY) if she, as president, did not legislate in ways that were favorable to them: “If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks.…