In 2018, a Sorry State of the Uniom

(February 6, 2018 — Washington, DC) – Chancellor Squirrelhead gave the first State of the Uniom address in America’s history on January 30. FLATLINE has acquired an unedited draft of the speech, which is even more racist, rabid, and offensive than the one given last Tuesday. Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, the…

Turtlehead Slithers as Shutdown 2018 Withers

(Washington, DC — January 22, 2018) – By a vote of 81-18 in the Senate, and 266-150 in the House, Shutdown 2018 can be declared officially over. And so ends the first Federal government shutdown in history in which the three entities responsible – the House of Representatives, the Senate, and the White House –…

Republican Obstructionists Prepare for Forced Furloughs Akin to Akin

(Washington, DC — January 21, 2018) – Day 2 of the Federal government shutdown arrived with Congress showing little or no movement on ending the standoff that has shuttered the Federal government for the first time since 2013. They can’t even agree on what to call #Shutdown2018 . For their part, Republicans are calling the…

GOP POTUS + GOP COTUS = Democrats’ Fault for Shutdown?

(Washington, DC — January 20, 2018) – On May 2, 2017, Chancellor Squirrelhead logged on to Twitter and tweeted – with his itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy fingers – that the country needed “a good ‘shutdown’” as a means to “fix” it. Two hundred sixty-four days later, in spite of now complaining that he didn’t want the Federal…

Congress Brings in the Clowns for a Shutdown

(Washington, DC — January 19, 2018) – The United States of America once again found itself hurtling towards a shutdown of the Federal government, with its elected officials once again posturing in an atmosphere of acrimony and utter incompetence. Sad! The Fiscal Year 2018 budget was to take effect on October 1, 2017, but instead…

Trump on Charlottesville: “What’s All the Führer?”

(Charlottesville, VA — August 14, 2017) – The winds of Chancellor Squirrelhead’s self-inflicted firestorm took an abrupt change in direction over the past few days, shifting from North Korea and Guam to Charlottesville (VA). And it doesn’t look like the flames will die down anytime soon. Chancellor Squirrelhead remained mostly silent in the days following…

Body-Slammer a Slam-Dunk for Montana COTUS Representative

(Bozeman, MT — May 26, 2017) – Congressional candidate Greg Gianforte (R-MT), 56, won the state’s special election for membership in the House of Representatives yesterday, beating back challenger Rob Quist (D-MT). But it wasn’t the drubbing Republicans had hoped for. The special election was called to replace Montana’s lone House member, Ryan Zinke (R-MT),…