Trump’s Minions of Mephistopheles Dismiss Charlottesville Massacre

(New York, NY — August 15, 2017) – Chancellor Squirrelhead’s mindless agents of evil today attempted to play down Saturday’s slaughter in Charlottesville by insisting it wasn’t all that bad. Tell that to Heather Heyer. Heyer, a 32-year-old paralegal from Charlottesville attending the white supremacist “Unite the Right” rally as a counter-protester, was mowed down…

Trump’s a Nazi Sympathizer? That’s Right. ALT-RIGHT.

(New York, NY — August 15, 2017) – Dogged by allegations that he didn’t speak out forcefully enough against the country’s agents of evil and domestic terrorism, Chancellor Squirrelhead gave an impromptu press conference in Trump Tower today. And proceeded to hang himself by his own tongue. Flanked by Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao and…

Mueller to Noodle Around Trump-Russia Connection

(Washington, DC — May 18, 2017) – Former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Director Robert Mueller III was named as a special counsel yesterday by Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, tasked to investigate Russia’s collusion with Donald Trump (R-NY) and his associates, including but not limited to interference in the 2016 presidential election. Sane Americans…

Arizona a Pain in the Assets

(Phoenix, AZ — February 23, 2017) – Tired of the daily protests against their Führer, Arizona state senators voted yesterday to violate the United States Constitution by violating their own constituents. SB1142 – the “Take Those Worthless Un-American Democrats and Shut ‘Em Down Act” – expands Arizona’s organized crime laws and applies them to average,…

Gorsuch Nominated to Fill Stolen SCOTUS Seat

(Washington, DC — February 1, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) last evening nominated Colorado Federal Appeals Court Judge Neil Gorsuch to fill the vacant seat left by untimely death of Associate Justice Antonin Scalia. Let four years of filibusters begin. On February 13, 2016, Scalia was found dead at the Cibolo Creek Ranch resort in…

First Inaugural Address of Chancellor Squirrelhead, Illegitimate POTUS

(Washington, DC — January 18, 2017) – The following is an advance copy of Donald Trump’s (R-NY) first inaugural address, which will be delivered to an audience of hundreds worldwide on January 20, 2017. It was obtained at great risk and at a great price; many Bothans died to bring us this information. My fellow…

House with No Ethics Seeks to Eliminate Ethics Oversight Office

(Washington, DC — January 4, 2017) – Blatant stupidity from House Republicans turned what should have been a day of celebration into 2017’s version of Nazi Germany’s 1933 Reichstag Fire. Upon these ashes will they drag America into the abyss. Yesterday saw the swearing in of the 115th Congress, allowing Republicans to take firm control…