Trump on Charlottesville: “What’s All the Führer?”

(Charlottesville, VA — August 14, 2017) – The winds of Chancellor Squirrelhead’s self-inflicted firestorm took an abrupt change in direction over the past few days, shifting from North Korea and Guam to Charlottesville (VA). And it doesn’t look like the flames will die down anytime soon. Chancellor Squirrelhead remained mostly silent in the days following…

Trump Uses Electoral College to Combat Anti-Semitism

(Washington, DC — February 15, 2017) – At today’s press conference, standing side-by-side with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Donald Trump (R-NY) made two very important policy statements. Oy vey. Regarding the issue of peace in the Middle East, and specifically between Israelis and Palestinians, Chancellor Squirrelhead chose to eschew the two-state solution – a…

First Inaugural Address of Chancellor Squirrelhead, Illegitimate POTUS

(Washington, DC — January 18, 2017) – The following is an advance copy of Donald Trump’s (R-NY) first inaugural address, which will be delivered to an audience of hundreds worldwide on January 20, 2017. It was obtained at great risk and at a great price; many Bothans died to bring us this information. My fellow…

Sans Ethics, Senate Begins Squirrelhead Donald Cabinet Hearings

(Washington, DC — January 10, 2017) – Senate Republicans today began the process of ramming Donald Trump’s (R-NY) cabinet picks through their confirmation hearings by hearing from prospective attorney general Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL). Let their unethical games continue. In spite of a history of racism, it looks like Senate Democrats have little or no…

Eggs-citement over Racial Incitement at Denny’s

(Spartanburg, SC — December 31, 2016) – A popular restaurant chain with a history of discrimination and racism has embraced the supporters of the incoming administration of Donald Trump (R-NY). They’ve decided if you can’t lick ’em, join ’em. Denny’s, a multi-million dollar business, has decided to change its slogan to keep in line with…

A Taiwanese Parade We Did Nazi Coming

(Hsinchu City, Taiwan — December 28, 2016) – Students at Taiwan’s Hsinchu Kuang Fu High School chose to honor the school’s 62nd anniversary with a parade complete with uniforms, banners, and a bit of goose-stepping. For whatever reason, they did Nazi their choice would cause an international Führer. The theme – honoring Adolf Hitler –…

Editorial: Endorsement of Donald Trump

FLATLINE is proud to endorse Donald Trump (R-NY). But not for President of the United States of America. The list of fine, upstanding publications which have endorsed Squirrelhead Donald for POTUS is quite thin: the Antelope Valley Press (Palmdale, CA); the Florida Times-Union (Jacksonville, FL); the Las Vegas Review-Journal; the Santa Barbara News-Press; the St.…