In Atlanta, I Can’t Drive I-85

(Atlanta, GA — April 1, 2017) – A 700-foot section of Interstate 85 (I-85) in Atlanta buckled and collapsed from a fire on Thursday. The deliberately-set fire raged beneath an overpass during the evening rush hour, and the resulting damage is sure to cause months of headaches for the estimated 400,000 vehicles which use the…

Unfounded Paranoia Makes Shoppers a Faux Target at Targét

(Orlando, FL — February 27, 2017) – Skittish Targét shoppers continue to take solace in the few and the proud who are protecting them whenever nature calls. More than 11 months ago, on March 23, 2016, North Carolina enacted the Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act – commonly known as the Bathroom Bill, or HB2…

War on the Press Waged by the Fourth Reich

(Washington, DC — February 25, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) barred several news outlets from attending an informal press briefing yesterday, taking yet another step towards controlling the nation’s news resources and further eroding the First Amendment. The list of attendees for the non-televised “gaggle” of reporters was closely controlled by Press Secretary of the…

Arizona a Pain in the Assets

(Phoenix, AZ — February 23, 2017) – Tired of the daily protests against their Führer, Arizona state senators voted yesterday to violate the United States Constitution by violating their own constituents. SB1142 – the “Take Those Worthless Un-American Democrats and Shut ‘Em Down Act” – expands Arizona’s organized crime laws and applies them to average,…

Trump’s Promises Short on Performance

(Washington, DC — February 20, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) today marked one month of being the Leader of the Free World. That’s no more comforting than it was a month ago. For sane Americans, it seems like years ago that Squirrelhead Donald became Chancellor Squirrelhead, the first illegitimate President of the United States. “It’s…

Swedish Massaker

(Melbourne, FL — February 19, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) chose this location to prove once again that he has the IQ of a meatball. A Swedish meatball. Yesterday’s Nuremberg rally – apparently Chancellor Squirrelhead is still in “campaign mode” – brought to light yet another massacre that’s now attributable to an administration in complete…

Address the Gall

(West Palm Beach, FL — February 14, 2017) – On June 23, 2015, candidate Donald Trump (R-NY) rejected the notion of vacations, should he win the White House: “I would rarely leave the White House because there’s so much work to be done. I would not be a president who took vacations. I would not…