Trump’s Minions of Mephistopheles Dismiss Charlottesville Massacre

(New York, NY — August 15, 2017) – Chancellor Squirrelhead’s mindless agents of evil today attempted to play down Saturday’s slaughter in Charlottesville by insisting it wasn’t all that bad. Tell that to Heather Heyer. Heyer, a 32-year-old paralegal from Charlottesville attending the white supremacist “Unite the Right” rally as a counter-protester, was mowed down…

Trump Slams Terror in Saint Petersburg – No, the Other One

(Saint Petersburg, Russia — April 3, 2017) – A shrapnel-filled explosive device detonated today between two train stations in Russia’s Saint Petersburg, killing 10 and wounding more than 30. True to form, Donald Trump (R-NY) took to Twitter to share his misinformed and inappropriate musings just hours after the blast. The attack occurred on a…

Unfounded Paranoia Makes Shoppers a Faux Target at Targét

(Orlando, FL — February 27, 2017) – Skittish Targét shoppers continue to take solace in the few and the proud who are protecting them whenever nature calls. More than 11 months ago, on March 23, 2016, North Carolina enacted the Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act – commonly known as the Bathroom Bill, or HB2…

War on the Press Waged by the Fourth Reich

(Washington, DC — February 25, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) barred several news outlets from attending an informal press briefing yesterday, taking yet another step towards controlling the nation’s news resources and further eroding the First Amendment. The list of attendees for the non-televised “gaggle” of reporters was closely controlled by Press Secretary of the…

Arizona a Pain in the Assets

(Phoenix, AZ — February 23, 2017) – Tired of the daily protests against their Führer, Arizona state senators voted yesterday to violate the United States Constitution by violating their own constituents. SB1142 – the “Take Those Worthless Un-American Democrats and Shut ‘Em Down Act” – expands Arizona’s organized crime laws and applies them to average,…

Trump’s Promises Short on Performance

(Washington, DC — February 20, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) today marked one month of being the Leader of the Free World. That’s no more comforting than it was a month ago. For sane Americans, it seems like years ago that Squirrelhead Donald became Chancellor Squirrelhead, the first illegitimate President of the United States. “It’s…

Swedish Massaker

(Melbourne, FL — February 19, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) chose this location to prove once again that he has the IQ of a meatball. A Swedish meatball. Yesterday’s Nuremberg rally – apparently Chancellor Squirrelhead is still in “campaign mode” – brought to light yet another massacre that’s now attributable to an administration in complete…