First Inaugural Address of Chancellor Squirrelhead, Illegitimate POTUS

(Washington, DC — January 18, 2017) – The following is an advance copy of Donald Trump’s (R-NY) first inaugural address, which will be delivered to an audience of hundreds worldwide on January 20, 2017. It was obtained at great risk and at a great price; many Bothans died to bring us this information. My fellow…

Manson on the Mend after Mystery Malady

(Corcoran, CA — January 7, 2017) – Charles Manson supporters worldwide breathed a sigh of relief today as word spread regarding the end of their savior’s recent hospitalization. Of course, their sigh of relief also meant his return to a lonely, solitary jail cell at the California State Prison, Corcoran. The 82-year-old inmate, mass-murderer, and 2016…

Congress to Build Trump’s Mexican “Great Wall” – and Make Americans Pay

(Washington, DC — January 6, 2017) – Throughout his presidential campaign, Donald Trump (R-NY) promised his legions of Trumpist Brownshirts that he would build a wall along America’s border with Mexico. Part of that promise included forcing Mexico to pay for its construction. To quote Rick Perry (R-TX): “Oops.” Congressional Republicans today began working on…

Trump to Hillary: “Drop Dead!”

(Wilmington, NC – August 10, 2016) ‐ Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump (R-NY) yesterday gave the green light to his legions of Trumpist Brownshirts to assassinate Hillary Clinton (D-NY) if she, as president, did not legislate in ways that were favorable to them: “If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks.…

How’s It Going for Ryan in Cleveland? Just Terrible!

(July 18, 2016 — Nuremberg (formerly known as Cleveland), OH) – Given the fractured state of the Republican Party these days, above all else it needed its Republican National Convention to go off without a hitch. Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) just shot that to hell. Standing in Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena, Eddie…

Conspiracy Theorists Conspire About What Made Scalia Expire

(Marfa, TX — February 16, 2016) – Three days after the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, it seems that the questions keep multiplying exponentially as more facts are revealed. And the nation’s conspiracy theorists are happier than Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas enjoying a can of Coke. The 79-year-old Scalia was found dead…

Politicians Rush to Refund Revenue from Racists

(St. Louis, MO — June 23, 2015) – Like bell-bottoms and Huckapoos, racism in politics is quickly going out of style. Or so one might like to believe. Following the mass-murder on June 17 of nine people by 21-year-old Dylann Storm Roof at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, SC, racism is once…