For Old Spicey, the Holocaust Was a Gas

(Washington, DC — April 11, 2017) – White House Press Secretary of the Week Sean Spicer today said that Adolf Hitler wasn’t quite as bad as Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. And he made this observation on Passover. Asshole. Old Spicey was referring to the April 4 attack by Droopy Dog on his own people; at…

Squirrelhead Blows Up Syria

(Washington, DC — April 7, 2017) – Facing a horrific attack by the Syrian government on its own citizens using banned chemical weapons, Donald Trump (R-NY) yesterday sent 59 Tomahawk cruise missiles into the war-torn country, deepening America’s involvement in Syria’s six-year-old civil war while practicing a level of hyperhypocrisy not previously seen in human…

Atlanta Burning

(Houston, TX — February 6, 2017) – The Atlanta Falcons suffered a 34-28 defeat yesterday at the hands of the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LI. It looks like Atlanta’s punishment is just beginning. The historic Super Bowl featured the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history (25 points; New England was down 28-3) as…

Forty Years Later, the “Long National Nightmare” Continues

(Washington, DC) – On August 8, 1974, President Richard Nixon (R-CA) addressed the country and announced his plans to resign. “I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow,” Nixon told the nation that evening. “Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office.” On August 9, newly-sworn-in President…

Shameful Enshrinement in Jersey City

(Jersey City, NJ) – Lawrence Campbell wanted to be famous. On Sunday, Campbell shot a rookie police officer, sealing his fame – and support from his community. The 27-year-old native of Jersey City – a fine residential area – entered the Walgreens drug store at Kennedy Boulevard and Communipaw Avenue, assaulted a security guard, took…

Syria Calls for Sanctions over Smallpox

(Damascus, Syria) – Faced with economic sanctions stemming from its civil war, and facing possible airstrikes from the United States, the Syrian government of President Bashar al-Assad agreed to the Framework for the Elimination of Syrian Chemical Weapons in September 2013. The ultimate goal of the Framework, negotiated with the United States and Russia, was…