FBI Director’s Firing Was a Long Time Comey-ing

(Washington, DC — May 10, 2017) – October 20, 1973, is known for the Saturday Night Massacre. Thanks to Donald Trump (R-NY), May 9, 2017, will forever be known as the Tuesday Night Massacre. On October 20, 1973, President Richard Nixon (R-CA), neck-deep in the Watergate scandal, ordered the firing of Watergate Special Prosecutor Archibald…

Atlanta Burning

(Houston, TX — February 6, 2017) – The Atlanta Falcons suffered a 34-28 defeat yesterday at the hands of the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LI. It looks like Atlanta’s punishment is just beginning. The historic Super Bowl featured the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history (25 points; New England was down 28-3) as…

First Inaugural Address of Chancellor Squirrelhead, Illegitimate POTUS

(Washington, DC — January 18, 2017) – The following is an advance copy of Donald Trump’s (R-NY) first inaugural address, which will be delivered to an audience of hundreds worldwide on January 20, 2017. It was obtained at great risk and at a great price; many Bothans died to bring us this information. My fellow…

Electoral College Certifies First Illegitimate POTUS in American History

(Washington, DC — December 20, 2016) – The Electoral College yesterday failed to perform its Constitutional duty and instead certified Donald Trump (R-NY) as the winner of the 2016 presidential election. Grade for the 2016 Electoral College? FAIL! “The Electoral College has proven that every vote does not count,” said a legal expert from the…

Forty Years Later, the “Long National Nightmare” Continues

(Washington, DC) – On August 8, 1974, President Richard Nixon (R-CA) addressed the country and announced his plans to resign. “I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow,” Nixon told the nation that evening. “Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office.” On August 9, newly-sworn-in President…

Shameful Enshrinement in Jersey City

(Jersey City, NJ) – Lawrence Campbell wanted to be famous. On Sunday, Campbell shot a rookie police officer, sealing his fame – and support from his community. The 27-year-old native of Jersey City – a fine residential area – entered the Walgreens drug store at Kennedy Boulevard and Communipaw Avenue, assaulted a security guard, took…

Iraq Attack Means America Might Go Back

(Baghdad, Iraq) – In Iraq, what’s old is what’s new again, as it stands on the precipice of a new civil war. Despite an eight-year presence in Iraq, which began as an invasion under false pretenses by President George W. Bush (R-TX), and ended as a unilateral withdrawal in 2011 by President Barack Obama (D-IL/Kenya),…