House of Representatives
(Helsinki, Finland — July 16, 2018) – After rupturing the NATO alliance, and after destroying the alliance between the United States and the United Kingdom, many expected Chancellor Squirrelhead to cozy up to Russia’s Perestroika Putie, thus hitting a trifecta. Mission Accomplished. In reality, anyone could have seen this coming from a mile away. At…
(Washington, DC – July 9, 2018) — In a made-for-TV event rivaling LeBron James’ classless “The Decision” from July 8, 2010, Chancellor Squirrelhead will announce his pick to replace the retiring Supreme Court justice Anthony M. Kennedy tonight at 9:00pm ET. The announcement will represent one more step in Chancellor Squirrelhead’s dismantling of the nation,…
(February 6, 2018 — Washington, DC) – Chancellor Squirrelhead gave the first State of the Uniom address in America’s history on January 30. FLATLINE has acquired an unedited draft of the speech, which is even more racist, rabid, and offensive than the one given last Tuesday. Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, the…
(Washington, DC — January 22, 2018) – By a vote of 81-18 in the Senate, and 266-150 in the House, Shutdown 2018 can be declared officially over. And so ends the first Federal government shutdown in history in which the three entities responsible – the House of Representatives, the Senate, and the White House –…
(Washington, DC — January 21, 2018) – Day 2 of the Federal government shutdown arrived with Congress showing little or no movement on ending the standoff that has shuttered the Federal government for the first time since 2013. They can’t even agree on what to call #Shutdown2018 . For their part, Republicans are calling the…
(Washington, DC — January 20, 2018) – On May 2, 2017, Chancellor Squirrelhead logged on to Twitter and tweeted – with his itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy fingers – that the country needed “a good ‘shutdown’” as a means to “fix” it. Two hundred sixty-four days later, in spite of now complaining that he didn’t want the Federal…
(Washington, DC — January 19, 2018) – The United States of America once again found itself hurtling towards a shutdown of the Federal government, with its elected officials once again posturing in an atmosphere of acrimony and utter incompetence. Sad! The Fiscal Year 2018 budget was to take effect on October 1, 2017, but instead…
(Charlottesville, VA — August 14, 2017) – The winds of Chancellor Squirrelhead’s self-inflicted firestorm took an abrupt change in direction over the past few days, shifting from North Korea and Guam to Charlottesville (VA). And it doesn’t look like the flames will die down anytime soon. Chancellor Squirrelhead remained mostly silent in the days following…
(Bozeman, MT — May 26, 2017) – Congressional candidate Greg Gianforte (R-MT), 56, won the state’s special election for membership in the House of Representatives yesterday, beating back challenger Rob Quist (D-MT). But it wasn’t the drubbing Republicans had hoped for. The special election was called to replace Montana’s lone House member, Ryan Zinke (R-MT),…
(Missoula, MT — May 25, 2017) – On the eve of a special election that could send him to Washington, DC, Congressional candidate Greg Gianforte (R-MT) yesterday showed his true Fourth Reich colors by physically assaulting a reporter. Gianforte’s mentor, Donald Trump (R-NY), would have been proud. On January 23, 2016, Squirrelhead Donald condoned such…
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